Well, today I did two things that I hate. Optician appointment AND scrub shopping.
Point being:
1) The full length mirrors in the opticians office are the devil. I got a full body shot (of which I always avoid) that made me incessantly pull down my shirt...over...and over.
2) Bra Shopping.....enough fucking said. I hate it and it makes me want to cry to see myself. A caveat here....I have always felt that way no matter my weight. I've hated my body as long as I've had boobs to put into a bra...so there's that. Unfortunately...I now have never known a difference.
3) Scrub (top) shopping. Let me say I HATE clothes shopping. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
So I bought tops I should have fit into (at least by what I see in the mirror). Well...can we guess what happens next? Yeah.....my fat fucking hips and fat stomach make me look like I'm busting out of a can of biscuits.
I was SO mentally exhausted and frustrated that when we came home, I went to bed. Slept....for hours. Waking up feeling no better.
Now I have to say. You know how us women can love our bodies one day no matter our size...then the very next day...feel like we are the most disgusting things to roam the earth?
Yeah...that's me right now.
For you guys that have stumbled here....if you don't think we do this...oh how wrong you are. Now mind you I'm on my period...and I KNOW that this was inevitable. What wasn't inevitable was the fact that those scrub tops don't really fit the way they should.
Then.....to add fuel to the fire. I stepped on the scale. What the fuck am I doing to myself today? For fucks sake. It is like I'm a glutton for punishment.
314.8lbs.
Hello fattest I've ever been. The only saving grace from this is that I can swing up 5lbs of water weight during my period. Somehow I doubt that that is attributing to the weight on the scale at this point.
So....here is what I HAVE done that is good for me.
Over the past couple of days (seriously this takes time, real organization, and planning), I have assembled a meal plan for the next two weeks, inclusive of a full grocery list. It is high protein, lowish carbs. Oh, this includes all of the recipes too. What I really like about this is that every night it is a different dinner. While breakfasts will rotate through, lunches are much of the same (eggs, cheese, fruit, yadda yadda), dinner is something new every day. There are no repeats. If there are any left overs...viola lunch for the next day. I have all of those recipes pinned to a specific board...if you are reading this and want to follow, just leave a comment. I'll send you a link to the board. There will be a new board for every 2 week period. Each board has the date range in which it applies.
Our meal plan starts on Sunday the 13th. I'll do the shopping (minus the produce we need further out) tomorrow. I have to work on Saturday, then Sunday we start. Tomorrow I will do the breakfasts that I plan on freezing. Egg quiches, Cottage Pancakes, and Pumpkin Bran Muffins. At least that way they can just be pulled, heated, and eaten. I often find, when I don't eat breakfast...it screws my entire day. I eat at off times, my hunger is off the wall, and I tend to eat like shit because I never feel satisfied.
So that is a huge no-no in the house.
So...there is an update for yah'.
See you in a bit.
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